Will vs. Wolf - Part II "Blitzed"

Warning: Names have been kept the same to fuck over the innocent.

In the highly anticipated second installment of the chronicles of my Blitzer meetings we find that the plot thickens...Mr. Blitzer, I wasn't going to, but you took it there...Yes, shit just got a whole lot more real.


I was boarding an airplane bound for NY. An atmosphere of peace and goodwill pervaded and all of the towns people milling about the airport were in a cheerful mood...Little did I know this was but the quiet before the storm later known by many as: Hurricane Blitzer

After finishing the finest ale in all of the general area I began to board my plane. "Hello," greeted the flight attendents cheerfully. We exchanged bows, the only way humans can give each other due respect.

Suddenly, as I walked onto the plane my heart alost stopped. Everything felt like slow motion. There he was...sitting in the very fist row smiling devilishly - Wolf Blitzer! He laughed and pointed at me.

"Me?" I asked. Cackling erupted and I turned to see none other but his partner-in-crime and shotokahn master, Lyn.

I cautiously walked by the Blitzers and the only reason I did not explode into a ball of fire or disappear into thin vapor was because I was armed with Blitz-Off, available only to ninjas online at http://www.wolfblitzerpleasedonteatmychildren.org/.

Wolf snapped his fingers. The plane had not even taken off yet, but a blonde female flight attendent instantly appeared with a scotch on the rocks.

He slowly took the glass and furrowed his brows. "I said I wanted a pink umbrella in this!" he shouted furiously.

"I'm-I'm-I'm so sorry Mr. Blitzer," the flight attendant stammered.

"Sorry won't get me out of the Situation room!" Wolf yelled. "Sorry won't get Fox News cancelled! And SORRY most definitely will not persuade me to spare your life!" With a quick and effeminite bend of Wolf's left wrist the flight attendent turned into a skeleton and fell to the floor.


The other passengers stared, their mouths gaping in horror. "What are you peasants looking at?!" Wolf demanded. Lyn faced the other passengers and hissed.

Everyone sat down. As I stepped gingerly over the pile of bones a patrol of elves scurried over and cleared away the remains.

As the plane took off, I resolved to make my move as soon as the plane landed.

I slept through the ride, only woken up once by the erotic moaning of Wolf and Lyn as they fornicated in the aisle for several minutes.

As soon as the plane landed, the white haired CNN newscaster was the first to leave the aircraft. I left the plane knowing my task was urgent.

I entered La Guardia Airport and saw Mr. Blitzer was on his cell phone. Lyn looked tense and angry.

"Mr. Blitzer!" I shouted. "I need a word with you!"

Suddenly a golf cart being driven by Nancy Grace pulled up. "Get in the car, Blitz!" she shouted in her obnoxious drawl of a Southern accent as the cart screeched to a halt.

Lyn quickly grabbed her luggage and that of her husbands and sat down on the back seat of the cart. "Hurry, Wolfie!" she shouted. "Lou Dobbs is waiting and you know he doesn't like to be kept waiting. Last time we were late he got cranky and blew up a Taco Bell!"

Wolf Blitzer turned and faced me. He grinned cunningly and before I knew what was going on he pulled out a can of mace and sprayed me in the face.

"Ow! You dick!" I screamed, writhing in pain as I rubbed my eyes.

"You just got Blitzed, bitch!" Wolf Blitzer shouted. He hopped onto the golf cart. The tires screeched as the vehicle sped away mawling several senior citizens in the process.

"Damn you Wolf Blitzer!" I shouted. "Damn youuu!"

To be continued...